The Chocolate Bar
by no heart to follow
Summary: So a panda, a sheep, and a dog all want the same chocolate bar. None are willing to share and none are willing to give it up. What's to be done? This didn't really turn out how I wanted it to but whatever.


A/n: I know that they're all animals in this. But I kind of just imagined all the characters dressed up as animals. Like Halloween!

Once upon a time there was a forest. This forest was called Wammy's Woods for Gifted and Somewhat Creepy Animals. The animals in this forest were so intelligent that they no longer needed to converse in their normal animal language, and all of them spoke English.

Yes. English.

Did I mention that this forest is in England.

Anyways, so one day a giant panda named L was sitting curled up on his favorite tree stump; wondering about what was happening outside of the forest. He had originally lived in China with all the other pandas, but after a while he got tired of eating nothing but bamboo (which tasted far to much like sour apples for his taste) and started a journey westward. He'd heard that there were many delicious foods over there.

But that is another story entirely.

Here in the forest, L got all the sweets and mental stimulation a panda could ask for (for the most part anyways). But right now his friend, Watari the owl, who only L knew to be the founder of the forest, Quilish Wammy, was at the store buying more food for the occupants. L was bored. And worse, he was without sweets. So he just sat in his awkward position on the stump and pouted. Sexily.

"Hello L, is something troubling you?" A quiet voice asked from behind the bear-like creature. The panda turned his head slightly to see a small sheep sitting next to him building a puzzle. The sheep turned his black eyes up to meet the panda's matching ones.

"Oh, hello Near," The panda greeted, not at all surprised by the boy who seemed to appear out of nowhere. He was used to Near's quirks by now. "I just haven't eaten any sweets lately, and I'm hungry." As if on cue, his stomach growled quite loudly.

"I see…" the smaller animal muttered, turning back to his puzzle.

Suddenly a red dog walked by, playing a handheld video game and clutching a still wrapped chocolate bar between his sharp teeth.

L's sugar radar went off and he turned his head suddenly. "MATT!!" He called, eyes wide.

The dog jumped about six feet, turning to face the panda. "Uh…hey L…? What do you want?" He asked around the treat in his mouth. The red furred animal was slightly confused, since L seldom spoke to him.

The panda got up and stalked over to the other creature, casting a long shadow over him. "Where did you find that chocolate bar? Watari said we were out of everything."

The dog blinked slowly behind his tinted goggles and paused his game. "I… found it." He said.

L was aware that Near had got up and joined the two.

"Where did you find it?" The sheep inquired.

"On the… ground." The dog replied.

"Can I have it?" Both Near and L asked in unison.

The panda looked down at the sheep in surprise.

"I haven't eaten today," The shortest of the three replied softly.

The canine shook his head. "No." He said, "I found it. It's mine."

"But dogs can't eat chocolate." Near pointed out. "You'll get sick and die."

A shrug. "Meh. I don't care."

"That's fairly idiotic Matt," The sheep deadpanned.

"Yeah well… you're a sheep." Matt shot back.

L and Near just stared at him.

"And… sheep are stupid."

L sighed and shook his head. "I think you're missing the main point of things. The fact is I cannot think properly without the correct dosage of sugar." He held a paw out to the dog. "So that means I should get the chocolate bar."

Matt shook his head again. "Uh-uh. It's mine! And what do you need to think about here?!" He spread his arms out. "Everything is just provided for you. You don't need survival instincts!"

The panda crouched down so that he was at the dog's eye level and smiled his 'look how cute and lovable I am' smile. "Please Matty?" He asked, "for me?"

It was true that most of the animals could not resist a request from L, him being the smartest among them and acting as a kind of idol. But Matt had a secret weapon. He unpaused his game and distracted himself from the raccoon like bear's eyes.

"Matt, you can't eat the chocolate if you value your health, and L shouldn't get it because Watari is bringing him more sweets. So logically thinking it is mine."

The dog growled. "You guys are forgetting who found the damn chocolate bar. It's mine."

The argument continued for about twenty more minutes, going around in circles and no progress being made one way or the other. The three were so engrossed in the squabble that they didn't notice the fourth animal stalking up to them.

The cat watched the three fighting with large blue eyes, his tail twitching in apparent amusement. He wore a big catlike grin on his face as he watched three of the smartest animals in Wammy's forest bickering like little kids. But the smile dropped when he saw what they were fighting over.

"MATT!" He hissed, furious.

The dog looked up, eyes growing to the size of dinner plates when he saw who it was. "Uhm… hi Mello." He practically choked on his greeting.

L and Near exchanged glances.

"Did you steal that from my stash!?" The cat demanded, looking ready to scratch the canines eyes out.

"No…" The dog said, taking a step behind L, who backed away to his stump, not wanting to be caught up in the feline's rage.

The sheep moved quietly back to his puzzle. Whatever Mello was going to do to Matt wasn't going to be pretty.

The dog thought quickly, dropping his game and holding the chocolate bar out to the enraged cat. "Um… happy birthday?" He offered, grinning.

"Matt… it's April."

"Happy birthday in a past life!" The dog corrected.

"…What?"

"Didn't you know? You were born today in a past life!"

If Mello falls for that then I'm losing all respect for him. Near thought as he clicked the last piece into place, then dumped the puzzle out to start again.

"…Matt. Do you really think I'm that stupid?" The cat glared dangerously.

"Hey, are you going to pass up free chocolate?" The dog countered.

"Fair enough." The cat said, taking the treat and smiling happily. Apparently forgetting it wasn't free if Matt was just returning a stolen bar.

As the cat walked off Matt grinned triumphantly. "Wow. I'm good." He said surprised.

Okay, I've lost all respect for him. Near decided solemnly.

"Guys… I'm still hungry." L said, sticking a claw into his mouth.


End file.
